Music to Live By...

Music has always been a major source of expression for me. Certain songs have pushed me through some of the darkest moments of my life and continue to encourage me in my brighter days. As I've grown, my taste in music has continued to evolve, but I am proud to say that my 2,000+ iPod library is extremely diverse :) While I do have my moments where I need to indulge in my secular collection of "old skool," hip hop, pop, alternative or r&b music (to name a few), I have grown to appreciate the music that penetrates my soul and speaks life to my situations in ways that no hot beat or clever play on words can ever accomplish. For me, the catchy beat has to be substantiated by the words and the Spirit behind them in order to keep my attention. I really want to share the music (new and old) that I believe God uses to speak to me directly, in hopes that one or more of those songs will affect your life for the better. Hey, I'm bored and I love music so hopefully my fellow music lovers will find my list refreshing and enlightening. Either way, here goes nothing!...
(Note: This list is not ordered by preference)

1. Be Optimistic - Sounds of Blackness
2. I Made It - Jonathan McReynolds
3. Happy - Tasha Cobbs
4. I Owe All - James Fortune & FIYA
5. Keep On Moving - Soul II Soul (not really "gospel" but def positive)
6. Today - Kirk Franklin
7. The Anthem - Planetshakers
8. Healer (Live version) - Hillsong
9. Our God - Chris Tomlin
10. Sovereign God - Maurette Brown Clark
11. My Heart Has Been Restored - Maurette Brown Clark
12. Hallelujah - Marvin Sapp
13. Breathe Into Me - Fred Hammond
14. God Is - James Cleveland
15. Grateful - Youthful Praise
16. Powerful God - Youthful Praise
17. I Love the Lord - Whitney Houston (originally recorded by Richard Smallwood)
18. Love Lifted Me - Youthful Praise
19. Press In Your Presence - Shana Wilson
20. Can't Give Up Now - Mary Mary
21. I Worship You - Mary Mary
22. Yes - Shekinah Glory Ministries
23. Calling My Name - Hezekiah Walker
24. For Your Glory - Tasha Cobbs
25. Without You - Tasha Cobbs
26. I Belong To You - William McDowell
27. I Pray - Jessica Greene
28. Thank You - Walter Hawkins
29. He's Able - Darwin Hobbs & Deitrick Haddon
30. Resting On His Promise - Youthful Praise 
31. He Won't Fail - Fred Hammond
32. Even In The Rain - Maurette Brown Clark
33. Say A Prayer - Donald Lawrence
34. I Am - Youthful Praise 
35. Thou Art My God - Ricky Dillard
36. It Ain't Over - Maurette Brown Clark
37. Just A Prayer Away - Yolanda Adams
38. Never Give Up - Yolanda Adams
39. More Than Enough - Vickie Winans
40. Make Me Over Again - Tonex
41. More of Thee - Bishop Noel Jones
42. No Other Choice - Tye Tribbett & GA
43. Thank You - Benita Washington
44. That Name - Yolanda Adams
45. Turn Around - John P. Kee
46. Without Love - Cece Winans
47. You Are My Peace - Juanita Bynum
48. Yahweh - Mali Music (as ministered by Juanita Bynum)
49. Every Praise - Hezekiah Walker
50. Song of Gratitude - Donnie McClurkin

Before Leaving This Earth...

I posted my bucket list here in order to get my thoughts organized in one place...My mind was becoming too crowded LOL. I encourage everyone to do this. It was kinda fun and I think everyone should have something to strive for in life:)These are in no particular order, by the way....

• Go on an African Safari
• Walk on the Great Wall of China
• Visit the Holy Land
• See the Pyramids of Egypt up close and personal :)
• Say 'Yes' to Everything for 1 Day (and write about the experience)
• Sky Dive (tandem most likely)
• Get a tattoo
• Visit Dubai
• Go jogging across the George Washington Bridge (NYC)
• Participate in a charity bike ride
• Learn and master another language
• White water rafting/tubing
• Go to a gun range
• Write a memoir
• Have washboard abs (a girl can dream, lol)
• Perform in a stage play
• Travel to every state in the U.S.
• Read the entire Bible (and understand it)
• Do 1 random act of kindness everyday for 1 week and use the opportunity to share Christ
• Work in Public Affairs
• Tour the White House
• Learn to play piano
• Visit the Grand Canyon

New Life Resolution

At the end of every year, most people find themselves replaying scenes from the previous 12 months in their minds. Some

images make us cringe while others inspire us to keep pushing in the right direction. For some of us who cringe over the mistakes, mishaps, and failures of the past, we often find ourselves jotting down a list of temporal "resolutions" that we will attempt to magically fix all by ourselves at the stroke of midnight on January 1st, only to find ourselves back at our bad habits by January 2nd. I don't know your story, but that is definitely mine. 

Through my writing and so many other things that have occurred recently, I have gained a lot of insight and decided to abandon this mystical New Year's Resolution stuff. I came to the conclusion the other day that something has got to give. I need permanent change, not a brief pause in my regularly scheduled program. I need a lifestyle change. I also realize that I can't expect my issues to dissipate on their own, as I remain the same person I was in 2013. I have to do something new in order to see new results. 2013 has been pretty good to me. I say that because God has used a lot of good and bad things to show me His power, His love and His direction in my life. As I began to reflect on what He has done for me, I was encouraged to jot down my own list of things that I must do if I wish to have the abundant life The Lord has promised (John 10:10). A lot of times, we read that scripture and think of God as a genie who just gives us everything we want without us lifting a finger, but we are so wrong (that's a different blog for another time). Becoming better takes some work on our end...

 As you read my list, I want to encourage you to ponder the things you want to do differently going forward. Feel free to share them with me as we attempt to become better versions of ourselves together. I also have a favor to ask of you. After reading this, I ask that you would hold me accountable. The truth is that I can't do this on my own. Trust me, I know. I need someone to remind me of my goal every step of the way because I'm human and life happens. I promise to hold you accountable as well...

              My New Life Resolution 

1. No more negative thoughts or speech: negativity only serves to either hold me back or make me feel worse about things I cannot change.

2. Uplift and empower the women around me: This year I discovered that too many females (young and old) suffer from low self-esteem. A lot of the poor decisions we make stem from some deep-rooted hurt that has never been fully addressed. I can attest personally to that. I don't want to be a part of the problem so I vow to be more of an encourager instead of tearing others down to boost my own self-worth.

3. Stop lying: Believe and speak the truth at all times, whether it's comfortable or not. Lies have caused a great deal of pain in my life and I no longer want any part of it. 

4. No more fear: I am fully committed to believing in the person God called me to be. Instead of living in fear, I intend to bask in the love, power and self-control that God has given me. (2Timothy 1:7)

5. No more people-pleasing: Trying to please everyone is not only impossible; it's exhausting! From now on, I will do things based on what is right, not what is popular.

6. Forgive and move on: I've held onto a lot of pain caused by other people, but I'm only hurting myself when I don't forgive. While it is hard to forgive and forget, it is possible to forgive every time I remember. 

7. Spend quality time with the Lord everyday: I have learned the hard way that going through my day without seeking God is like driving a car while blind folded. I never know what to expect and there's danger at every turn. 

8. Speak kindly to myself: This is not to be confused with being prideful. I have spent TOO much time tearing myself down, or talking about myself before somebody else can. The power of life and death lie in the tongue and I am tired of killing my own self-esteem.

9. Put things into proper perspective. Everything isn't a big deal.

10. Use the past as a map toward a better future: If we insist on looking back, then we should at least use it to make us better...

Happy 2014 and beyond! May God bless and encourage you as you strive to become the person He created you to be!

~ Shawn

Not Guilty (Pt 1)

"Through Christ, God has given us the privilege and authority as apostles to tell Gentiles everywhere what God has done for them, so that they will believe and obey Him, bringing glory to His name." Romans 1:5 (NLT)

Every year at this time, I am reminded of one of the greatest gifts God has given me since I first accepted Him into my life. Almost six years ago around Christmas time, I found myself in a spiritual rut. I was a recent college grad who was struggling through a tough course in the school of adulthood. I was officially in the "real world" and I hated everything about it. I had dreams and goals for myself, but I was so insecure and had very little faith in the direction my life was headed. To help me cope, I had begun to engage in shoplifting in order to feed my insatiable desire for "things" and control. For a while, I achieved both and if all else failed, I at least thought I had a promising future in that since I never got caught.

But one day I did get caught.

It was the most humiliating day of my life. There I was in the middle of a store being asked to empty my pockets in front of everyone, including my sisters who I knew looked up to me. I was escorted out of the store and led handcuffed through the mall to a security holding cell. The cell in which I was placed was barren and the only thing in my view was my own reflection in the glass door. My eyes caught the gaze of a person I didn't recognize staring back at me through that glass. Who is this person? How in the heck did I get so low? My thoughts ran rampant until an officer came in and blew my mind with one simple comment.  "You work for NBC. There was no reason for you to do this."

At first, I had no clue what he was talking about or how he knew where I worked. I thought that perhaps they ran a search on me and found the information, but then I noticed something that explained everything. I had totally forgotten about the jacket I was wearing, which bore the company's famous peacock logo on the sleeve. As I was doing my deed in the mall,  I had forgotten that I was also acting as a representative of a well-respected media giant at the same time. Somehow, I was tarnishing the reputation of what it meant to be a part of that organization. You know how stereotypes go. People with good jobs don't steal. Shoplifters are usually poor and uneducated. Well so much for that stereotype...

I had a completely different message for this blog post before I started writing it, but God has literally interrupted that train of thought to share something with me that I need to share with anyone who reads this. Many times as Christians, we go through life doing whatever pleases us, forgetting the responsibility that we carry. The "logo on our sleeve," if you will. Unbelievers look at our behavior and question our faith because sometimes our behavior is "worse" than theirs. I have heard that too many times to ignore. We tarnish the reputation of the One we represent whenever we act on our own will and desires. It's time to take this walk seriously and be the ambassadors God has called us to be, according to the Word of God. As one of my good friends always says, "Preach the Gospel and when necessary, open your mouth." Let's allow our lives to be the example of Christ's love. We have to be mindful of our actions. The world is watching.

Not Guilty (Pt. 2)

"For I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am..." I Corinthians15:9-10 (NKJV)

Fast forward from the  prison cell to the months after my arrest...It was time for my court hearing that would determine my fate and ultimately shape the direction of my future. The four grueling weeks leading to that day will always be etched in my mind. Probably God's way of keeping me humble. Everyday, I got up at 5AM and prayed for God's forgiveness as soon as I opened my eyes. I asked for a second chance as I got dressed for work. I prayed again as I boarded the bus to work, and as I walked to the building. I fasted. And I prayed some more. Every. Day. I tried to smile to hide the guilt, fear and anxiety that was eating me alive, but I failed miserably. Although I prayed to an all-powerful God, I doubted that He would forgive me this time. I knowingly made the wrong choices. I spat in His face every time I chose to disobey Him. I didn't even bother to pray about it until after I got into trouble. I figured I was probably wasting my time praying the way that I did. But I literally had nowhere else to go. I had to trust Him. Eventually, the day finally came.

In court, I had to sit for almost two hours and watched more than a dozen other offenders receive harsh punishments for their crimes. The experience was excruciating. By the time the judge called my name, I was bracing myself for the worst. My dreams of a great career in the government were over. My reputation and ability to lead others was finished. Finally, the judge issued his ruling...What?!? Not guilty?? I'm free?? Am I hearing correctly? This time, I wanted to shout. Cry. Run. Anything that would help me express the elation I was feeling...

In spite of everything, God forgave me. Wiped my slate clean. Gave me a fresh start with a new sense of gratitude that I never had before. I am embarrassed to admit that he also confirmed His existence. There were times that I questioned if He was even real. Yet, He did all of this and more for me because He loves me. In fact, He loves us. More than 2,000 years ago, God knew that we couldn't overcome the guilt of our sins on our own, so He sent His only Son, who NEVER did anything wrong, as a sacrifice to wipe each of our slates clean for good. Because of that sacrifice, I was able to come to my Father and be forgiven. The thing that blows my mind the most is that there were many people in that courtroom who did the same thing I had done. But I was literally the only one to walk away with a clean slate. To God be the glory...

God examined my heart and saw my desire to turn away from the sin that got me in that situation in the first place. If it had not been for God's grace at that moment, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this blog trying to encourage readers to accept the freedom that God has promised each of us through Jesus Christ. I would literally have nothing to say right now. Today, I implore you not to wait until trouble comes to go looking for God. He wants you to come today. No matter where you are in life, no matter what you did 5 minutes ago...Another chance at life is available. Please accept Christ into your life and let his Spirit help you navigate through this difficult journey. Just like me, your story doesn't have to end with what you did wrong. It's time to accept the invitation and walk in the abundant life that God has richly promised all of those who love Him.

Exhumation

“Then he who had received the one talent came and said…I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground.” Matthew 25:24-25 NKJV

ex’ hu·ma’tion  n. 1. To remove from a grave; disinter.

        2. To bring to light, especially after a period of obscurity.

I tried to come up with a clever analogy that would help me describe the way I have been feeling lately, but I just couldn’t come up with anything. Just as I was about to give up, I was reminded of the parable Jesus told His disciples about a wealthy man who distributed his wealth among three of his servants and left them to do whatever they pleased with what was given. Each servant was given a different number of “talents.” When the man returned to see how the servants had used their talents, only two out of the three had done anything at all. The third servant, who was only given one talent, claimed to have been too “afraid and went and hid [the] talent in the ground.” When the man heard this, he rebuked his servant and cast him away.

Although this parable has been preached from so many different angles before, it spoke to me in a way so unique that I pray it won’t earn me a personal rebuke from my pastor, lol. But to put it plainly, this pretty much sums up how I have been feeling for the last few years: I am sick of being afraid.  I am tired of letting my fear or feelings of inadequacy keep me from experiencing the fullness of life…from enabling me to express myself…from trying new things…from being 100% ME.

I don’t know about you, but self-doubt has always equaled self-sabotage in my life. Whenever the opportunity arises for me to step out of my comfort zone, I immediately shrink back from the opportunity faster than a turtle seeks shelter within its hardened shell. This may sound dramatic, but it’s so true. And it never fails that every time I “punk out,” I end up kicking myself later because deep down inside I know I can do it. Whatever it is…not because of who I am in my own strength, but because of who I am in Christ. I don’t know if any of you can relate to this, but I don’t want to wallow in self-doubt anymore. I am studying a book right now that is literally changing my life (So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore), and it taught me something very important about myself: [When I] lack security, I also lack faith. I don’t just doubt myself, I also doubt God about myself.

I guess you’re wondering by now what any of this has to do with the parable I mentioned earlier. Well, it’s simple: God has given me access to all of His “wealth” through Christ. His wealth encompasses a multitude of things: my gifts, talents and abilities; His love, grace and forgiveness; His favor which allows me to overcome adversity; His peace, power…He even gives me a little faith. The list goes on…but what do I usually do with all of this wealth? In so many ways, I am just like that fearful servant who buries these gifts in the dirt so that no one can see them or make me use them. Thoughts like, “I am not as talented as that person” or “What if people don’t like what I have to say?” or “What if I fail?” race through my mind and stop me dead in my tracks.

Overtime, I’ve learned that my own spiritual and personal growth are not the only casualties in this war within my mind. It also prevents God from using me to bless other people. We would be surprised by how God can use our faith to bless someone else. You don’t know how your demonstration of faith can encourage a younger generation to trust God and to believe in themselves. And it’s not about being the greatest at something or always succeeding. Failure can inspire faith too. People need to see that our “greatness” comes from our relationship with Christ. Paul said he could “do ALL things through Christ who strengthens [me]” (Philippians 4:13). He could have stopped at he can do all things, but he knew that his abilities did not come from himself and he fearlessly spent the latter part of his life showing others how to tap into that same power. God says in His word that He has “not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV). This means fear can only come from one other source. Satan uses our fears to keep us from experiencing God’s infinite power. He knows how dangerous we can be if we fully rely on God for our strength and self-worth. Now that we know at least one of our enemy’s primary tactics, let’s stop giving him that foothold in our lives. I am learning each day that everything God has given me are beautiful tools to be used for His purpose and there is no reason to walk in fear of using them. As you and I continue on this spiritual journey together, let’s remember to use those gifts boldly…God wants us to share those gifts with the world so that they may come to experience Him for themselves…If you’re like me, then it’s time to get out our spiritual shovels and retrieve those gifts from their hiding places.

Memory Verse: Psalm 27:1-2

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”

Praying Your Way To Peace...

"Those who choose murmuring as their lifestyle will spend their lifetime in the wilderness." ~ Excerpt from Lord, Change My Attitude by James MacDonald

There are so many times in life that I find myself complaining about something. I'm getting a little better with it, but nonetheless, I still complain more than I should. In the bible, as the Israelites traveled from captivity in Egypt to the Promised Land, they complained often despite of all the ways God had already made for them. In response to this, the Lord's anger "was aroused, and the fire of the Lord burned among them, and consumed some in the camp" (Numbers 11:1 NKJV). Often, I wonder why it's so easy to forget about God's goodness and waste so much time complaining--especially when we know how much God despises it...

Today while praying, my endless list of petitions was interrupted with the question, "why don't you shift the focus to what God has already done?" Hence, the inspiration for this blog. I don't mind sharing this with you because I refuse to believe Satan's lie that I am alone in this state of habitual complaining. Hopefully my transparency will help you strengthen your prayer life and help you see life from a more positive angle as I am striving to. So in the midst of my prayer time, I said this instead...

"Lord, everything may not be perfect in my life, but I thank you that I have never missed a meal, never gone to bed without heat or electricity, never received a phone call from any bill collector, never been jobless, never been sick and unable to get treated...I may not come from a huge family, but I have been blessed with a handful of family members and a host of friends who I love and know I can depend on. I may be praying for more, but I actually have everything I need in this very moment and I am grateful..."

After doing that, I can honestly say that I felt a whole lot better about my situation, because my praise reminds me of who God is to me. You may add your own list of blessings to this prayer, but the result should be similar. Because the Lord inhabits (dwells in/is drawn to) the praises of His people (Psalm 22:3), that is my best way to get His attention. When I choose to dwell on what's not right, then that only makes me feel worse and my faith diminishes. On the contrary, prayer quiets my thoughts and feelings and gets me in a posture to hear and receive His guidance.

I want to encourage you that whenever you become tempted to wallow in dissatisfaction, force yourself to pray your way into peace.