Balancing Act

Last September, I suffered a football injury to my leg that had me in a cast for 2 months. Since then, I have been in an intense physical therapy program, trying to get back to my normal sports-playing self. One of the exercises I do in the pool works to improve my balance and requires me to keep my balance by placing one foot in front of the other as I walk across the pool to the opposite side and back again. Much like a sobriety test, my objective is to use my balance in order to keep my feet on the solid black line on pool floor.

I have never been good at balancing, so I already knew this would be a challenge, but the challenge on land is nothing in comparison to being in the pool. In the water, you are combating waves being made my others in the pool, and your increased buoyancy from the chlorine in the water adds another challenge to staying balanced. So as I began my first steps on the line, I focused my attention to the black line at the bottom of the pool, but it was hard because the moving water kept giving off the illusion that the line was moving. The harder I tried to concentrate on that line, the harder it became to keep my balance. Finally, after my third lap, I became extremely dizzy to the point that it was impossible to continue staring down at the line. Instead, I began to direct my focus toward my destination on the other side of the pool.  Suddenly I heard my therapist say, “You’re starting to get the hang of it.” Sure enough, I managed to walk halfway across the pool in a straight line without losing my balance.

It was at that moment that it dawned on me how little I accomplish when I try so hard to control something that is beyond my control. The harder I try, the dizzier and more off-balance I become. The moment I elevate my focus to my destination and ignore the opposition surrounding me, the task becomes so much easier to manage. In the water, focusing on my goal seemed to produce a sense of calm in my mind. I began to relax because I could no longer see or feel the waves threatening to push me off-track. Finally, all I could see was the progress I was making.

That experience taught me how to approach every challenge in my life. I may not be where I want to be financially, spiritually or otherwise, but I know that if I keep my focus on positive things and keep looking ahead, I will remain encouraged. Keeping my head lifted in the face of adversity reminds me of where my help comes from. It removes my pride and self-reliance when I look up and understand that no matter how hard I try or how good I think I am, my ability to move forward is by no strength of my own but by a God who loves me unconditionally and possesses complete power.  When I remove my pride from difficult situations, I feel less pressure and less self-conscious. I learn better. I take criticism better. I expect fewer congratulations when I do well and I don’t beat myself up when I fail. When everything is placed in the proper perspective, the balancing act becomes easier each step of the way.

20/20

Last week, I attended my last graduation at my alma mater, Teaneck High School, as my youngest sister matriculated from the 12^th grade. It was one of those sweltering 105 degree days, but neither the heat nor my grueling trip on the Megabus that day could stop me from witnessing one of the biggest days of my baby sister’s life. As I beamed with pride and excitedly uploaded pictures onto my Instagram page, I couldn’t keep my mind from drifting back to this same moment almost 10 years ago (Lawd, I’m getting old, lol). I was walking across this same stage with the appearance of having accomplished it all. I was a National Honor Society student with a nearly perfect GPA. I was already accepted and had been offered a scholarship from one of the most illustrious HBCUs in the country, Hampton University (The REAL HU for those who don’t know, lol). I had been the captain of the Varsity Girls’ Basketball team for the past two years. I was all set to study biology and become a sports medicine extraordinaire of the NBA. It seemed that I had it all figured out, but nothing could prepare me for the reality of the years to come.

I started my freshman year pretty much where my high school years left off. I was on the Dean’s List in the School of Science. I was on the University Choir and I started an intramural women’s basketball team. In the spring of 2004, I hit a wall. It was time to pick classes for sophomore year and the curriculum ahead was extremely intimidating. As I looked at the advanced Calculus and Physics classes I had to take, I could feel my hair falling out just thinking about it. I was afraid that the challenge would get the best of me, so I did what a lot of Christians do. I made a decision first…and then I prayed. I remember praying one evening as I left my biology class and headed to the HU Pirates basketball game.  “Lord, I’m changing my major to broadcast journalism. Please give me a sign that this is the right decision. In Jesus’ Mighty and Precious Name, Amen!”

You probably won’t believe me, but exactly 30 seconds later, a group of journalism students who were doing live coverage of the basketball game, asked to interview me on-camera. I couldn’t believe it. God answered me in less than a minute! You can imagine my immediate sense of confidence as I entered the Registrar’s Office the next day and officially registered as a Broadcast Journalism major with dreams of seeing my face on television. But as the years went by, I became less certain about the decision I made. By senior year, I had completed several internships at reputable television networks and completed most of my coursework, but I felt like something was missing. My initial pipe dream of becoming the next Gwen Ifil had shifted to becoming a radio personality and then finally to being a producer working behind the scenes. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. My grades had even slipped a little, because my heart wasn’t in it.  When I graduated and started working for a TV network in NYC, it became even more obvious that I had made a huge mistake. My lack of passion did not mesh well with the lifestyle of a TV producer. I worked 12-hour days, didn’t get paid enough to live on my own, missed Christmas celebrations, worked on weekends and got chewed out on a regular basis. It was torture! The thing that really made it clear that I was in the wrong place was the fact that my coworkers LOVED their jobs. They came in with bright-eyed excitement about the day ahead as I trudged in angry at the world, pondering my ‘what ifs.’

What if I had just stuck it out with biology and trusted God to help me as He had before?

What if I would have actually sought the Lord’s guidance BEFORE deciding to switch my major?

What if I would have done some research before making either decision?

Hind sight is always 20/20, but those questions still haunt me to this day. Nonetheless, God has shown favor over my life and has blessed me in spite of making an important decision without really consulting Him. If I could talk to myself at that age, I would have told myself first and foremost to trust the Lord to give me clear direction. I would have told myself not to give up just because I was scared. I would have reminded myself of all the other challenges He had gotten me through up to that point and would have realized that He would do the same in that situation. I would have done some research and realized that a career in television DID NOT fit neither my personality nor my immediate personal goals of moving out on my own and doing other things that I enjoy.

One thing I can do now is encourage others who may be starting their college career or entering a new phase in their lives to do the opposite of what I did. Take my example and understand the value of doing your research before making important decisions. And NEVER make a decision first and then ask for God’s blessing on it. Remember that He loves you and knows what is best for you, so it’s okay to trust Him. With Christ, all things are possible, so there should be no room for fear in your heart if you really trust Him. But most importantly, remember that even when we do something that we consider a mistake, God is always faithful. He is able to turn something that is not so good into something amazing!

Priceless...

She stood no taller than 5 feet six inches and weighed less than 125 pounds. She came from humble beginnings and spent most of her youth working hard to provide for her only child by herself. On a modest paycheck, she did her best to provide a roof over their heads and clothing on their backs. As her child grew older, she quickly became known as the popular mom on the block because she provided a safe and fun environment for the neighborhood kids to escape the vicious streets of West Philadelphia. As she got older, she gave all of what little she had just to put smiles on her grandchildren’s faces. And although she wasn’t exactly overflowing in financial abundance, she was filled to the brim with something far greater than anything else. Love.

That was Ms. Ross. When my best friend first introduced me to her grandma, I felt like we already met because of all the stories I heard about her copious generosity, love and unforgettable punch lines.  Ms. Ross’ reputation definitely preceded her, and as the years began to pass by, I witnessed first-hand a woman whose love penetrated deeply into everything she did. This lady, who was well into her seventies, never considered it a burden to load up her car with her bright red suitcases and drive more than 150 miles by herself just to be a part of every special moment her family encountered. From graduations to birthdays to Easter dinner, we all could count on seeing those red suitcases sitting at the front door. Whether it was a special occasion or not, Ms. Ross always knew how to show her love and guess what – it didn’t involve a dime.

Last month, we all said goodbye to that sweet lady. At the homegoing service, I found myself reflecting on the legacy that Ms. Ross left behind and the impact she made on the lives of everyone she encountered - - without money. It made me think of how we all can get caught up in our obsession over money and “things.”  For me, this obsession started early. As a child, I remember resenting my aunts, uncles and even grandparents because they were unable (or unwilling) to give me things like my parents did.  And because so much emphasis was placed on who gave what for each occasion in my life, I thought that was the only acceptable way to be loved. Of course, there were some relatives who did give me things but spent no time with me. Those relationships were built solely on the money they spent. Once I became an adult, I found out later that their presence alone would have meant much more to me than their presents.

If I could go back to my childhood, I would have shared with my family that they didn’t need to buy me something in order to be a good auntie, grandma, and so on.  Now I understand that just seeing their suitcase at the front door would have been all I needed. As I said goodbye to Ms. Ross that day, I was reminded of God’s command to love others.  I too, want to be known for how much I loved, not by how much money I gave. I want Christ's love to be evident in the way I live my life--not just by the words I write. When we leave this earth, we can’t take anything with us and eventually, our possessions will fade away. But the way we treat others will live on forever. And it doesn’t have to cost a thing.